If you’re new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Learn what RSS is here. Remember, bitter is better.I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole […]

Bitter idealists don’t like to propagate limiting stereotypes and we believe in inclusiveness vs polarization.
But some of these were just too damn funny.
So here in honour of International Women’s Day, we present the world if it were run by women.

Come on! Tell me these don’t make sense!
Tags: if women ruled the world, International […]

We know WE can keep these. We think YOU can too, if you really set your heart to it.
1. Gain weigh. At least 30 lbs.
2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.
3. Read less. Makes you think.
4. Watch more TV. Thinks for you.
5. Procrastinate more. Start tomorrow.
Tags: jokes, new year’s resolutions, stop procrastinating
If […]

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.
2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.
4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, […]

1. You Are Different and That’s Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad’s New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids” Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All […]

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl “will you marry me?”
The girl said, “NO!”
And the girl lived happily ever after.
She went shopping, dancing, lunching, drank martinis whenever she wanted, always had a clean house, only cooked if she felt like it, had many boyfriends and sex whenever she pleased, never got fat, […]

Two guys from Toronto die and wake up in hell.
The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, “What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you?”
The two guys reply, “Well, you know, we’re […]

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson EX.
Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints.
The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.
The American fished the […]

Two guys were out walking their dogs when they pass by a bar. One turns to the other and says “Let’s go inside.”
The other man says, “We can’t go in there. They won’t let us in with our dogs.”
“No? Watch this,” says the first guy. He puts on a pair of sunglasses, walks up […]

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG’S DIARY
Day number 180
8:00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! […]