Viral Comedy Redux | Funny Online Videos | Humor Blog

The funniest taxidermy TV commercial

Chuck Testa- of Ojai Valley Taxidermy. It probably is the only funny taxidermy commercial out there, but that doesn’t mean this one isn’t funny.

Nope. Chuck Testa does not taxidermize pets.

A Funny Christmas Story For People Having a Bad Day


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When four of Santa’s elves got sic and the trainee elves did not produce toys as quickly as the regular ones, Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.

When Mrs. Claus told Santa her mother was coming to visit, Santa got stressed out even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were galloping about Heaven knows where.

Then, when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider with a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, which broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang. An irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, ‘Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’

And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

Humour For Lexophiles – Or Lovers Of Words

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.

The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement.
He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We’ll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles,
U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard.
He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don’t pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

Local Area Network in Australia:
The LAN down under.

He broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.

A calendar’s days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted:
‘Taint yours, and ‘taint mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

A plateau is a high form of flattery.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done

If Women Ruled The World

Bitter idealists don’t like to propagate limiting stereotypes and we believe in inclusiveness vs polarization.

But some of these were just too damn funny.

So here in honour of International Women’s Day, we present the world if it were run by women.

if women ran the world - cars would be organized

if women ran the world - we’d always make sure there was plenty of toilet paper

if women ran the world - there would be an any key

if women ran the world - the toilet seat would be down

if women ran the world - we’d use our own hammer and tools

if women ran the world - testing would be fair

Come on! Tell me these don’t make sense!

[tags] if women ruled the world, International Women’s Day, jokes about women, mammogram, toilet seat, viral jokes, women[/tags]

5 New Year’s Resolutions You CAN Keep.

We know WE can keep these. We think YOU can too, if you really set your heart to it.

1. Gain weigh. At least 30 lbs.

2. Stop exercising. Waste of time.

3. Read less. Makes you think.

4. Watch more TV. Thinks for you.

5. Procrastinate more. Start tomorrow.

[tags] jokes, new year’s resolutions, stop procrastinating [/tags]

The 33 Rules of Personal Growth

1. As I let go of my feelings of guilt, I am in touch with my inner sociopath.

2. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

3. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.

4. I no longer need to punish, deceive, or compromise myself, unless I want to stay employed.

5. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

6. Having control over myself is almost as good as having control over others.

7. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of self-judgment.

8. I honor my personality flaws for without them I would have no personality at all.

9. Joan of Arc heard voices too.

10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper, and complain.

12. As I learn the innermost secrets of people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

13. When someone hurts me, I know that forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not nearly as gratifying.

14. The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice things.

15. As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

16. All of me is beautiful, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.

17. I am at one with my duality.

18. Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

19. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

20. I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.

21. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

22. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than “I told you so!”

23. False hope is better than no hope at all.

24. A good scapegoat is almost as good as a solution.

25. Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my underwear in the Hollywood Cafe. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

26. Who can I blame for my problems? Just give me a minute. . . . I’ll find someone.

27. Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it worrying about the future?

28. The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the conspiracy is working.

29. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

30. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me naturally to the next step of blaming my parents.

31. To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like I’m giving as much as I’m getting.

32. I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.

33. Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he’s a mile away and barefoot.

[tags] Personal Growth. parody, joke [/tags]

Children’s Books That Never Made It

1. You Are Different and That’s Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad’s New Wife Robert
4. Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids” Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That’s it, I’m Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes The Hamster…And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

[tags] funny jokes, viral comedy, books [/tags]

The World’s Happiest Fairytale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl “will you marry me?”

The girl said, “NO!”

And the girl lived happily ever after.

She went shopping, dancing, lunching, drank martinis whenever she wanted, always had a clean house, only cooked if she felt like it, had many boyfriends and sex whenever she pleased, never got fat, traveled more, saved more money, had all the hot water to herself, watched chick flicks whenever she wanted, never wore lacy lingerie that went up her arse, rarely had a reason to cry or yell, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants, farted whenever she wanted, and had high self-esteem.

The End

[tags] funny [/tags]

Daily Dose: Two Canadians in Hell – Joke

Two guys from Toronto die and wake up in hell.

The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and toques warming themselves around the fire. The devil asks them, “What are you doing? Isn’t it hot enough for you?”

The two guys reply, “Well, you know, we’re from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy to get a chance to warm up a little bit, eh.”

The devil decides that these two aren’t miserable enough and turns up the heat.

The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, toques and mittens. The devil asks them again, “It’s awfully hot down here, can’t you guys feel it?”

Again the two guys reply, “Well, like we told you yesterday, we’re from Canada, the land of snow and ice and cold. We’re just happy to get a chance to warm up a little bit, eh.”

This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to get these two guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. And it gets really hot. People are wailing and screaming everywhere.

[Read more…]

Daily Dose: Good To The Last Drop – A Funny Bar Joke

One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pub together. They proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson EX.

Just as they were about to enjoy their beverages, three flies landed in each of their pints.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking it over the pint, yelling, “SPIT IT
OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!”

[tags] funny joke, Englishman, American and a Canadian, walk into a bar [/tags]