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You’ve probably noticed that here at Bitter Tonic we are not big fans of sucky, shmaltzy sentiment, so finding truly funny e-cards was a grim task. Syrupy, slow-paced, cliche-ridden bad poetry abounds. Even the ones marked funny, were rarely funny. Plus, we seem to have been absent the day farts became associated with Valentine’s Day. Hmm.

We couldn’t find 5 top cards, and we couldn’t stomach listening to any more shleppy music, so instead we bring you 3 funny cards to send to your amour, 2 cards to send to your single gal pals, and a slew of anti-valentine day cards – where the true comedy lives.

Well, just like our 5 Funniest Christmas Email cards post, being late and cheap is still OK.

Funny Valentine #1: MonkEmail

Let your Valentine know you hart them. The super popular e-card sensation Monk-E-Mail has updated their site so that you can send a personalized Valentine’s Day card.

It still works the same was as before: you choose your monkey, dress it up, then add some audio, and the monkey will lip sync to the voice.

Calling in your message by phone is a super sweet choice, but you can also type it in to have your message spoken by a robot. Tres romantique, non?

Monk-e-mail is hosted by careerbuilder/

Update: The company that makes monk-e-mail has a company Sitepal that let’s you create talking characters for your web site. Costs $9.95 month, which isn’t too bad – but so far they don’t have any characters as funny as the monkey.

Funny Valentine #2 and #3: Egreetings Does it Again

They made our top 5 Funniest Christmas Card list, and they are doing it again with their funny and definitely not syrupy Valentine’s Day Cards. Egreetings still has their great FREE One Month Trial going, though if you signed up at Christmas, you may have to pay this time round. Hey, those paper cards are $4 bucks a pop now, so this is still is a deal.

We’ve gone through the lot and these are the funniest ones, so now you don’t have to sit through all the Valentine’s Day fart jokes.

1. The ABC’s of Valentine’s Day

The chins are back singing – this time they present a very special Valentine’s Day performance – à la children’s pageant.

I guess they are growing a fan base as the site has even posted the making of bloopers. Will there be a DVD?

2. Let’s Do Lunch.

You’re Delicious. Smooth euro-techno beat accompanies this slide show of foods with subliminal meaning. What makes this e-card really work are the ridiculously slow transitions – they are so earnest.

Funny Valentine’s cards for your single gal pals.

Once again by Egreeting. (Come on Hallmark, they’re killing ya.)

Cupid Is No Angel. Suddenly it all makes sense.

Cheesy Sleazy Pick-up Guy. A pick-me- up card.

Funny Anti-Valentine’s Day Cards

I-mockery comes up the big winner here with such poetics as “Valentine, nothing says I Love You like our suicide pact”, and the “ew” laughter that comes from “Did you you know Venus was both Cupid’s mother and lover? Just throwing it out there. – Mom.”

Check them out. They are all winners.

By the way – it’s way easier to find funny Christmas cards. Here’s our list of for 2007 which included photo e cards title=”photo ecards for Christmas” that let you personalize your greetings cards.

Tags: monkemail, monk-e-mail, funny, cards

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